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In Focus: Craigslist Server Contracts HPV
SAN FRANCISCO—"We tried to ignore the signs, but every day more and more of those weird wart-looking things appeared on our home page," said a Craigslist developer.
Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial
UNDISCLOSED—On a remote patch of Kansas prairie believed to fall outside the range of U.N. spy satellites, construction is finally complete on the long- awaited 9/11 Truther Memorial, sources confirmed Wednesday.
Your Horoscopes - Week Of September 7, 2010
Aries Remember, it's never too late to fall in love. It's just too late to fall in the kind of love that isn't a cynical compromise based on a fear of dying alone.
Taurus You'll become the sworn enemy of men's magazine r...
Sports: Saints vs. Vikings
As the season kicks off in New Orleans with a rematch of last year's NFC championship game, Onion Sports breaks down the NFL opener:
Opinion: Summer Days, Driftin' Away (by Jean Teasdale)
Well, the Summer of Jean has come and gone. You Jeanketeers will know what I'm talking about: In a column back in June (boy, does that feel like a lifetime ago…), I discussed how I was really going to take charge of this summer and make it my own.
Outbreak Of Va-Va-Vooms Traced To Miniskirt-Wearing Blonde
WASHINGTON—Officials from the Department of Ha-Cha WOWwa have traced a nationwide outbreak of va-va-vooms to one miniskirt-wearing blonde, last seen Thursday night working those stems like nobody's business.
Players, Owners Agree To Have One Last Kick-Ass Season Before 2011's Lockout
NEW YORK—In an eleventh-hour session Wednesday night, representatives from the NFL Players Association sat down with the league's owners to reach an agreement on their "One Last Big Blast" plan to have the most rocking football season ever...
The NFL's Official New Concussion Awareness Poster
This informative poster will hang in all NFL locker rooms to tell players of the potentially severe consequences of head injury.
American Voices: Sierra Leone Has Safest Internet
A survey of computer viruses and malware attacks found Sierra Leone was the safest place in the world to surf the web.
Onion Sports 2010 NFL Team-By-Team Guide
Now that the NFL season is upon us, staying informed is more important than ever. This in-depth Onion Sports guide places all the vital information about this years' teams at your fingertips. Don't watch a single game without this useful tool!
All 32 NFL Teams Announce They Are Underdogs Headed Into 2010 Season
NEW YORK—Just days before the start of the season, representatives from every NFL franchise have come forward to state that they are not going to let doubters hold them back, and that they are using "all the hate" as fuel for the 2010 camp...
All 32 NFL Teams Announce They Are Underdogs Headed Into 2010 Season
NEW YORK—Just days before the start of the season, representatives from every NFL franchise have come forward to state that they are not going to let doubters hold them back, and that they are using "all the hate" as fuel for the 2010 camp...
American Voices: Heavy Drinkers Live Longer Than Teetotalers
A new data analysis in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research found that people that abstained from alcohol died earlier than even heavy drinkers.
Department Of Interior To Clean Nation's Filter
WASHINGTON—Interior Secretary Ken Salazar announced Tuesday that a maintenance crew would begin work this week cleaning the nation's filter in order to remove the estimated 40 million tons of gunk, crud, and muck currently clogging up the country.
Report: Afghan Mineral Deposits Could Completely Revolutionize Nation's System Of Corruption
WASHINGTON—According to a new State Department report, Afghanistan's more than $900 billion worth of untapped iron, copper, lithium, and other minerals could transform the nation from a graft-laden backwater into a modern, 21st-century hub of corrup...
